Football for Academically Challenged British Plonkers, Ed. 6: Taunting Rule

Welcome back, Plonkers. The NFL has a lot of rules, some are relevant to ensure player safety (helmet to helmet contact), while others are there simply to make people hate the game and take all the fun out of it. With this in mind, let’s discuss the taunting rule.

What is it?

Picture this: It’s a wet and dreary evening at Arrowhead. After an hour-long rain delay, the game is finally back on and well into the fourth quarter. The Bills, up by 11, just need one score to really put the game on ice. They’re in Chiefs territory, it’s 3rd and 4. Allen takes the snap, has a quick look to his left, and takes off. There’s a defender in his way, L’Jarius Sneed, a stop here might just be what the Chiefs need to get back in it. So, what does Allen do?

He. Hurdles. Him.

Just right over.

Whoosh.

Al Michaels and Cris Collinsworth simply couldn’t believe their eyes. The Bills fans in the stadium could be heard above the roar of the wind. Social Media was in disbelief. I was fast asleep because it was like 3am (my time).

And then, Allen gets up and simply points his finger forward, signalling a first down.

What an anti-climatic finish to such a stunning beauty of a play.

Personally, in this situation, I would be doing the Gangnam Style over the completely devastated and embarrassed body of Sneed. But stupid NFL rules don’t allow for that.

A situation like this calls for an over-the-top, Hingle McCringleberry-esque celebration. But, because the NFL asserts that such acts “engender ill will between teams”, they aren’t allowed to celebrate huge plays like this. Complete and utter bullshit.

A penalty… for expressing joy

In this situation, Allen had much better control than me, because I for sure would’ve been flagged and received a 15-yard penalty. The banger of a play would’ve been eradicated. Luckily, I don’t play football. I have terrible impulse control and following rules is not in my wheelhouse.

Josh knows how to contain himself, and celebrated in a manner which the officials deemed as non-penalty-worthy. And it’s a damn shame because he deserved to do whatever he wanted. Like puffing his chest and giving a bit of side eye. Stupid NFL.

Let’s not forget how corrupt these officials are though. Because, apparently, taunting is okay when Tyreek Hill throws up deuces when sprinting towards the endzone. They hate fun, but love to make up their rules more. Consistency people, wouldn’t kill ya.

NFL: No Fun League

This dumb rule came into effect in the 2021 season and saw a number of significant plays brought back as a result. Cassius Marsh of the Chicago Bears experienced this taunting penalty first-hand after a third down sack in the final quarter against the Steelers. He was citied for “posturing”, like he’s a damn peacock. What has it come to?

In essence, this is yet another rule for the league to crack down on fun. They don’t allow it in this very serious man’s sport. Otherwise, these big, strong men will get their itty-bitty feewings hurwt and we can’t have that now, can we?

Next Week

I hope this was helpful for all you Plonkers! What football topic do you want explained next week? Let me know in the comments or send a Tweet, Carrier Pigeon, DM, Telepathic Energy, FB Message, Letter, Postcard, etc. But, for the love of God, DO NOT send me an email. Because I live in the stone ages and don’t use email. (Pfft. Idiots.)

Featured Image: Kevin Sabitus/NFL