Trish’s Pants-Shittingly Rad Season Recap

Now that the Chiefs have been handed the Lombardi Trophy like the script outlined, it’s finally time to reflect on the Buffalo Bills’ season. I am still incredibly salty about the Eagles’ loss and there’s nothing better than passive-aggressive writing.

Before we get going, just a quick note: f**k you Rodger Goodell. And f**k you Carl Cheffers. I hope you’re happy with yourselves for ruining what was a very, very good Super Bowl.

Anyways, the Bills’ season did not end how any of us predicted it would. It was… disappointing. Mostly because my predictions were way off.

Bills Offensive Woes

I think we can all safely say that a large part of the Buffalo Bills’ issues started and ended with the offense. What started with an explosive, bulldozer mentality slowly burned down to ashes. There was nothing left in the tank. I mean, the final game of Buffalo’s 2022 season ended with them scoring just 10 points. Disgusting.

Josh Allen — Our Lord and Savior…?

Many of us, myself included, predicted Allen would run away with the MVP award. Sadly, that was not the case. A very tiring and hard-fought Dolphins game followed by a questionable elbow injury really hindered the QB. So much so that he reverted back to his “Sugar High Josh Allen” days wherein he didn’t trust himself and made some pretty bad decisions. He bounced back however, and showed his early season prowess, but it was just too little too late. He still managed to earn himself an MVP vote though. So that’s something, I guess.

I had him down for over 4,500 passing yards, 45 TDs, less than 13 INTs, 8 rushing TDs and three hurdles. I wasn’t too far off base, except with the TDs. Allen finished 2022 with 4,283 passing yards, 35 TDs, 14 INTs, and 7 rushing TDs. And of course he did have three really fun hurdles.

He’ll be back. I’m not worried.

Gabriel Davis

The guy has been putting in that work and I have full faith that he will make a gigantic leap this season and prove himself to be amongst the elite of NFL WRs.

– Trish, being ridiculously optimistic before the season

I was incredibly wrong. He’s a fancy route runner, shows quick feet and decent agility. But boy do I hate those drops. Now, before the masses attack me about how lots of other “top” receivers have drops, Ja’Marr Chase and Travis Kelce did tie him with seven drops each. But, they weren’t dropping absolute dimes at big moments of the game. Joshy could not have been more accurate when throwing to Gabe, mostly in the flat or a mere 10-15 yards up the field. So, why on Earth did this man hit puberty early and keep dropping them balls?

We won’t know. But I will say, the wide receiver room was down Jamison Crowder. The slot was left open and all the guys were just trying to slip in wherever they fit. Maybe Davis just needed to adjust to his role? Maybe he had all the time to prepare but decided that COD was more important? (Shout out Kyler Murray.) Maybe he focused on being swole instead of removing the butter from his fingers? Maybe it’s just Maybelline.

The Run Game

I wanted Reggie Gilliam to be used as a FB just because. Now I’m thinking that might not have been an awful idea. At least this way there would have been an extra blocker for the back. Speaking of which, we’re going to miss Devin Singletary. Every time he got the ball last season, I would groan. It just wasn’t good. This season however, I groaned in pleasure. What a sexy man. I predicted 700+ yards and 5+ TDs. He finished with 819 yards and 5 TDs.

He very much reminded me of rookie season Devin. I’m not comfortable calling him a top 10 back in the league, but I can safely put him in the 15-20 slot. Now with James Cook and Nyheim Hines back there, I feel comfortable with the team’s future at the position. Although, I wouldn’t mind keeping Singledaddy for another season or two…

The Rookies

• James Cook: The kid is good. 507 rushing yards, 180 through the air and three total TDs. The way he runs is explosive, energetic, and smart. Unlike Zack Moss, who ran with all the anger his body could hold. Cook filled his role as RB2 perfectly and I’m excited to see what his future brings. Not RB1 material, however, so it’s a good thing we have Hines, huh?
• Khalil Shakir: With his limited playing time, Shakir showed promise. I actually would’ve liked to see him take the field more. Especially with how Davis played at times. McKenzie could be a cap casualty and Crowder is unlikely to get signed back, so Shakir could very well fulfill my dream next season.

It truly saddens me that this is all the movement we saw for rookies on the offense. Like, just get Allen SOMEONE. Please, I’m begging you. This simply isn’t enough.

Buffalo’s Tired Defense

I will say this until I am blue in the face, which is a lot, because I am brown. But the Buffalo Bills’ defense is GOOD. Not just good; they are one of, if not the best defensive teams in the league. But no defense can be useful when they get MAYBE a couple minutes rest. Seriously, it’s as though the offense just refused to let their boys breathe. I can’t blame their lack of production on anyone other than the offense. KEEP THEM OFF THE FIELD!

Defensive Stats

I predicted the following stats: 2,600 passing yards, 1,500 rushing yards, 13 passing TDs and 15 rushing TDs. I was wrong. The OVERWORKED Bills’ defense allowed:

• 3,433 passing yards
• 1,673 rushing yards
• 21 passing TDs
• 13 rushing TDs

The best way I can word this is that the Bills were ineffective. It actually hurt to see how much they struggled. I fully blame the offense though, and the myriad of injuries on that side of the ball. It was tough.

Sack City

I was very optimistic of the Buffalo Bills’ ability to get to the QB this season. And I am very happy to report that I was right. For YEARS, the Bills have been unable to rack up a decent number of sacks. 40 sacks this season isn’t terrible, but things could’ve been better. Especially considering they’ve had little to no help from the rest of their team. I can’t wait for a healthy Von Miller to be back. With the new and improved offense, he might actually have to time to breathe between drives and take that sack number (8) higher next season.

Give Edmunds His Money

Tremaine Edmunds is a far better player than Bills Mafia realizes. I sincerely hope the Buffalo Bills can sort something out with him. Tagging him would be fine, but I want the security of having him here long term. Gimme Edmunds.

Matthew Vincent Milano

Dear God, this man. He’s gorgeous and has great arms. But more than that, he’s a hell of player and I’m so glad the team extended him when they did. Otherwise, there’s no way on Earth they would be able to afford him. I firmly believe DPOY was stolen from him.

Bills Will Post Four Shutout Games – said Trish optimistically

I don’t wanna talk about this.

Defensive Rookies

Buffalo’s rookies put on a show. Both Christian Benford and Kaiir Elam filled in nicely for Tre White. They weren’t at his level obviously, but I was pleasantly surprised with how well they actually played. Like, that was fun. Both guys are ready to take on big roles next season.

Special Teams

I only care about Tyler Bass. He was great this season. Obviously.

Trish Recap

Trish is Me. I am Trish. Trish made predictions on what will happen to her personally this season. I am happy to report that most of them came true.

Feature Image: Bill Wippert/Buffalo Bills