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Trish’s Chaotic Turkey Day Predictions: Bills vs. Lions



Happy Turkey Day Charles! Gobble, Gobble!

I have never, in my life, celebrated Thanksgiving and, despite all the holiday specials I’ve seen on TV, the most knowledge I have of the day is:

  1. If you turn yourself into a turkey you can be pardoned for basically all crimes you’ve committed that year.
  2. The Macy’s parade is apparently a cultural event so sacred that any word against it will result in death by exclusion of future friends/family events.
  3. Football.

The last one is the only one I care about, well until I figure out how to turn myself into a turkey. So, here are my predictions for the upcoming Bills-Lions game:

1.) Josh Allen is MVP

After a rough couple weeks for Buffalo’s star QB, things finally seemed to take a turn last week after the Browns win. It wasn’t a great win, and Allen still did not play to the elite standard we’ve come to expect of him. But that’s about to change. The elbow strap is off.

Allen will catapult himself back into the lead of the MVP race with 300+ passing yards, 3 passing TDs and 30 rushing yards. The man is on a mission to prove the doubters wrong, and I personally cannot wait to watch it. Primetime is the perfect occasion to show the league what he’s made of.

2.) The Buffalo Bills rushing attack makes the Lions cry

Detroit has the second-worst rush defence in the league, allowing an average of 153.7 yards per game on the ground. And Ken Dorsey has FINALLY figured out how to use his RBs… A perfect storm.

Singledaddy, Cook, AND Hines will get a taste of the action, combining for 130+ rushing yards and two TDs. Defences across the league will be quivering in their boots.

3.) England beats USA

Still football, just a different kind 😉.

The USA won’t be able to handle England on Friday at the World Cup. England wins 4-1. I will been invited to a belated Thanksgiving celebration on that Friday and you better believe I will be UNBEARABLE.


4.) The secondary actually does something!

The Buffalo Bills secondary has been a bit naff as of late. And I get it. I do. None of them are starters and it’s difficult to get them to that standard. But ffs Jackson just TURN YOUR HEAD 🤦‍♀️!! They’ve had a target on their back for many weeks, especially with the way they continue to make life difficult for the DL and LBs. Matt Milano can’t do it all people!

So, after what I hope is a stern talking to from McDermott and Frazier, the Bills secondary does some work and gets it done. Amon-Ra St. Brown is Detroit’s only air threat. Surely these guys can keep him under 60 yards right? In fact, my confidence in them is so high that I’m putting St. Brown on my fantasy bench. Yes. You heard that right. Don’t let me down guys.

5.) fiRE DorSeY anD McDermOTt

That’s what dumbasses say. And those guys will eat their words of the last few weeks when they see that this Bills team is well and truly back.

Injuries cause a drop in morale. It’s scientifically proven. (Don’t go looking for the case study, just trust me when I say it’s there.) As such, the Buffalo Bills have had a drop in production, but they’re a good team. An elite team even. And they’ve proven it. I mean, they’re 7-3 my dudes. Chill.

So, I predict that the Dorsey and McDermott haters will be quiet this week because turds can’t admit when they’re wrong. Losers.


Bills. Win.

They will be 8-3 and, once again, rule the East… and the conference. Miami will lose to the Texans, Kansas City will lose to the Rams, Tennessee will lose to the Bengals, and Baltimore will lose to the Jaguars.

The Buffalo Bills will be the only 8-3 team left in the AFC. (The Chiefs don’t count because I said so.) This is going to be a fun week.

Featured Image: Trish Patel

Much like Marty McFly, Trish Patel (aka Tyler Bass Enthusiast) is a time traveller who stole a sports almanac so as to fool you mortals into believing that she can predict the stats of a game. If you come at her on social media, there is an excellent chance you'll get burnt. They don't call her @savage_trish for nothing.