Trish’s Chaotic Predictions: Bills vs. Chiefs

The Kansas City Chiefs are always the most fun matchup in current Buffalo Bills history. The top two quarterbacks in the league go head to head and, after the god awful football we’ve seen over the weeks, this is a game the entire nation is waiting for. Bring on KC.

1.) A shootout for the ages

Most of the time, my predictions are solely focused on the Bills (and sometimes Carson Wentz because he sucks). But today, I do something a little different.

Josh Allen and Patrick Mahomes will combine for 750+ total yards and seven total touchdowns. I don’t want a blowout, not this week. Chiefs week is always fun and I want a battle. There hasn’t been two closely matched QBs like this since Tom Brady vs Peyton Manning. As football fans, we deserve this entertainment.

Bring me that chaos.

2.) Miller makes a splash

Von Miller was the key piece missing from this Bills defence. Mahomes looked far too comfortable in the pocket in that playoff game and having that “oomph” (or “voooom”) on defence would’ve made all the difference.

And now he can. Miller is going to make his presence known with a sack or two in Arrowhead and show everyone that this is not the same Buffalo Bills team of past.

3.) Poyer continues on his crusade

Jordan Poyer has been issued a challenge by Pat McAfee and you best believe he’ll be doing everything he can to get that $1M.

He’ll walk away with an INT. And not just any INT… a game-winning pick. It’ll be the clip that circulates all over social media for DAYS. The kind of video that draws all the flags for violence, sensitivity, and, if he does it right, just a smidge of nudity.

4.) Raining Pocket Rockets 🚀

Thanks to Davante Adams and his temper tantrum, security is probably going to be beefed up at Arrowhead. (Party pooper.) So, instead of a streaker, like I so badly want, Bills Mafia will do the next best thing…

Dildos.

But I don’t want just one, I want a bunch. Loads. A Zubaz painted one. Another with McKenzie’s face on it. Comically large ones. One with a charging Buffalo on it. The possibilities are endless. Get. Wild.

5.) Zebras get boo’d until the end of time

NFL officials are the worst referees in all of sports. All because they love Tom Brady and, you know, general assholery.

So, I predict that there’s going to be a total of at least seven questionable calls. Enough to get a dildo lobbed at their heads. Like they should. Then, they’ll be actual dickheads.

6.) Bills secondary put on a worthy performance

The backup secondary has been playing really well thus far. The mounting pile of injuries has been heartbreaking for the Buffalo Bills, but they’ve persevered and kept on with the “next man up” mentality.

But now they face their biggest challenge, Patrick Mahomes. They may not be able to completely contain him, but who can? (No one.) But, they can make it difficult for him and they’ll keep that fire the entire game. I already know I’ll be singing their praises next week.

Final

The Buffalo Bills win a hard fought, exciting game. Yet another one of the record books. I simply cannot wait.

Featured Image: Trish Patel