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The Underhill Report: Outrageous Week Five Predictions

It’s amazing how winning masks all flaws. In the week leading up to the Patriots, it was all positive energy surrounding the Bills by seemingly every media outlet. There was great hope and a tangible excitement felt in every corner of Bills Mafia. Now after a heartbreaking finish at Orchard Park, Buffalo’s weaknesses have reared their ugly head.



So where do we go from here? I don’t think there is really a consensus among Bills fans as to how we should feel. The Buffalo offense leaves us with more questions than answers a quarter of the way through the regular season. Sure, we hung tough with the big bad Patriots, but that was the type of game a legitimate playoff contender would have won. As the saying goes, there are no moral victories in this league.

Regardless, we are forced to turn the page as the Bills travel to Tennessee with backup quarterback Matt Barkley leading the charge (in all likelihood). Let’s work under that assumption.

Without further ado, here’s what predictions I think have a chance of transpiring this Sunday afternoon at Nissan Stadium:

Titans attempt forward pass, ruled as lateral, returned by Bills for touchdown

Karma always gets ya. In a nineteen year old reversal of fate, the Bills will capitalize on a CLEAR attempt of a forward pass that is inexplicably ruled as a lateral. It’s only fair.

Marcus Mariota throws FOUR picks on the day

The Titans quarterback has been very good at taking care of the football through four weeks, which is exactly why I bet he’ll turn it over in spades. He doesn’t have a fumble or interception yet this season, but he hasn’t seen the Bills defense yet. The truth of the matter is he’s a pretty bad quarterback. Expect his turnover percentage to regress to the mean.

Sean McDermott discovers Bill Belichick disguised as Buffalo staffer pregame, shoos him off field

What the heck was up with last week’s pregame shenanigans?! Two New England staffers, one of them Belichick’s son, were on the field during the Bills’ warmups when they weren’t supposed to be. Rightfully, McDermott gave them an earful. It is common courtesy for the away team to exit the field (coaches and personnel included) prior to the home team.

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Sean McDermott shooing a couple of Patriots staffers off the field who were watching the end of #Bills warmups. McDermott appears pretty unhappy#BillsMafia

Leave it to TWO Belichick’s to skirt the rules in any way they can to gain an edge. Anyway, don’t be shocked if the dark lord tries to pull another fast one. The Pats are playing the Redskins, so there is no need for Belichick or half his coaching staff to show up. He’s definitely still concerned about getting in Sean McDermott’s head, especially after New England only won by six.

The Sith lord will make the flight to Tennessee where he will seamlessly slither his way into the Bills coaching staff, infiltrating the organization. He might take the form of a player, a coach, or a football itself. From there, he will feed precise information directly into his host body, permanently disrupting “the process”. If such practice of the dark arts comes to fruition, the Bills playoff hopes are doomed.

Matt Barkley will start a quarterback controversy heading into the bye week

Image result for matt barkley

Listen, it would take a phenomenal performance by Barkley to question Josh Allen’s hold on the starting job. The Titans defense is good, but a full week of preparation and seven years of NFL experience under his belt should get number five ready. He’ll do much better than last week. After a couple nice throws filling in for Josh Allen late, Barkley laid an egg in crunch time against the Pats.

I’m counting on 400 yards through the air and 4 touchdowns. That’s how much it would take to unseat Allen as QB1.

Sean McDermott loses timeout challenging coin toss result

I can’t wait to see McDermott lose his wits, storm out screaming at the refs “tails never fails!” Meanwhile, the officiating staff just quietly stands there shaking their heads. “Mr. McDermott…please…Mr. McDermott the coin toss is not a reviewable play.”

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Seriously, is there a worse coaching staff at challenging plays right now than the Bills? Buffalo lost two challenges Sunday against the Patriots, both of which looked like rather suspect decisions to throw the flag. Since Sean McDermott took over three seasons ago, he has thrown 12 challenge flags. Only ONE out of those 12 ended up being an overturned call. That is horrendous. It’s hard to know who is making these decisions, but the blame ultimately lies with the head coach. It’s a simple thing, but it’s getting incredibly frustrating at this point.

Dawson Knox will end someone’s career

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Dawson Knox. You love to see it. #CINvsBUF | #GoBills

By late Sunday afternoon, Knox might be wanted by the Tennessee State Penitentiary. He clearly shows disregard for human life on the football field. The NFL may be forced to hand down a Vontaze Burfict-like suspension.

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Dawson Knox are you serious 😮 @dawson_knox

In week three against the Bengals we saw Knox do his best Gronk impression. Last week we saw him do his OBJ impression. This week he’s going to put it all together. He’ll put at least one defender in a body bag and go up and moss another dude. The man is just too athletic, raw, and dangerous. Tennessee defensive backs beware.

Week 5 confidence index: 5.5/10 broken folding tables

Student at Hofstra University. Big fan of all things Bills and Ultimate frisbee. Follow me on twitter if you wish... @cincodemaxo