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The Underhill Report: Outrageous Week 9 Predictions

I’m disappointed, as I’m sure all of you are too. It’s not just that we lost to the 4-4 Eagles, it’s that we weren’t even competitive throughout much of the game. Buffalo got smacked in the mouth in the second half. The Bills proved on Sunday they were incapable of putting together 60 complete minutes of professional football. The run defense took a step back, as did Josh Allen. Not to mention there is a lot of valid criticism being thrown at Brian Daboll’s playcalling.



However, we’ve reached the midpoint of the week, which means everything I’ve just mentioned is water under the bridge. It’s time to look forward to a 1-7 Washington team, a welcome bounce-back game for a Buffalo team with more questions than ever.

So let’s get it started with my weekly bold and zany predictions:

Old men Adrian Peterson and Frank Gore each go off running for over 100 yards

Now I don’t have any official stats on this, but my guess is this could be the oldest running back match-up in NFL history. The 34-year old Peterson and 36-year old Gore will each be the primary back pounding the rock all afternoon. The two just defy father time in a league where one wrong hit could end your career.

They will each be wearing their life-alert buzzers as they break through the opposing defenses.

After putting the ball in Josh Allen’s hands 34 times against Philly with lackluster results, expect the Bills to get back to running the football more often. Frank Gore should eat against a Washington defense ranked 28th against the run.

For Washington, interim head coach Bill Callahan has made it very clear he wants to get back to ground and pound football. Expect 20+ touches for Peterson.

Brian Daboll farts his way through another game, tells Devin Singletary to stay in locker room

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Needed an excuse to add this gif.

I will admit Brian Daboll has done a good job so far this season igniting a dismal offense from a season ago. That said, Sunday’s performance against Philly was not his best. The immediate questions go to the lack of running back touches, especially for explosive rookie Devin Singletary. The third round pick from Florida Atlantic showcased what he can do with the ball in his hands last week. With the blitz coming, Allen dumped it off to Singletary who did the rest, galloping his way to a 28-yard touchdown.

That was only 1 of 7 touches for Singletary all day. Bills fans should be rightfully frustrated with his lack of usage in Daboll’s scheme. That makes me wonder, does Daboll have beef with Singletary?

Did Motor hurt him? Is there something going on behind the scenes we don’t know about? Man, I don’t know, it just seems like Singletary won’t be unleashed anytime soon.

Tremaine Edmunds knocks an opponent out cold

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Once again, an excuse to add this gif.

Tremaine Edmunds is a threat to human life. The second year talent out of Virginia Tech will crush some poor Washington receiver into the dirt and it won’t be pretty. Don’t get me wrong, I am not rooting for an injury of any kind, I am just reporting the facts of the future. When you’re 6’5″ 253 lbs and built like a tractor trailer truck it’s only a matter of time before a clean hit smacks an opposing player into concussion protocol. The NFL might want to take a proactive approach and suspend the linebacker now before he hurts someone. If player safety was really the league’s priority, they wouldn’t allow the monstrous Edmunds on the field to begin with.

Everything goes Washington’s way, yet the Bills grind out another win against all odds

I just get the sense that this whole trend of winning ugly will continue. In fact, it might be the hallmark of this entire season. Washington will get every bounce, every penalty call, and the Bills will play a poor game in general. Yet none of it will matter because at the end of the day Buffalo will come out improving to a 6-2 record.

Our run defense will look just as suspect as it was against Philadelphia. Josh Allen will have blunders, but the offense will do just enough to come out on top, which leads me to my next prediction:

Get ready for another clutch Josh Allen fourth quarter game-winning drive

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There aren’t many certainties in life, but here are three; death, taxes, and Josh Allen fourth quarter game winning drives. Captain clutch will come through in our darkest hour yet again.

The question is who will the go-ahead score be passed to? Smokey Brown? Duke? McKenzie? Diesel Beasel? (I came up with that one myself.) My bet is the forgotten man in our wide receiver corps. Robert Foster will get his first touchdown (and reception!) of the 2019 season.

Remember when Foster was the subject of Buffalo lore many moons ago. The undrafted rookie fought his way up to the active roster in the back half of the season and proved to be our most capable wide receiver. Now the Alabama product is barely seeing the field. Crazy the difference a year can make.

Dan Synder’s heart grows three sizes, decides to change Washington’s nickname out of kindness postgame.

Nah, I’m just kidding. Did you actually think I believed that? The guy is an asshole, folks. There’s no way. He’s been anything but quiet on his support for the team’s nickname and has doubled-down on his refusal to change over the years.

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Keep in mind Synder is the same owner that once sued his own season ticket holders. He also once got into hot water when the New York Times reported he used team cheerleaders as escorts on a Costa Rica trip. The list of devious activities goes on.

The bottom line is Washington will never change it’s tone-deaf nickname until Synder either sells the team or is dead.

Week 9 Confidence Index: 6.5/10 broken folding tables

Student at Hofstra University. Big fan of all things Bills and Ultimate frisbee. Follow me on twitter if you wish... @cincodemaxo