Welcome to Raiders week in the Buffalo Bills 2020 schedule. DEHH RAIDERSS!!!
From Berman to Gruden to Vegas… does it get any more big-time than this? The Buffalo Bills and Josh Allen travel out west this week to play at the brand-new Allegiant Stadium (aka “The Big Roomba”).
The Black Hole has never looked this sexy before. Too bad we can’t see it filled to the brim with bat-shit insane Raiders fans.
The Buffalo Bills play in the late, 4:25 pm window for the first time this year, so the Mafia will have a bit more time to get blackout drunk Sunday afternoon. (No need to start your tailgate party at 8 am this week … unless you are a total animal … Mom.)
What should we expect this week? I’m here to answer all your questions about how things will play out in Vegas. Buckle your seatbelts. Here we go: (starting with a score prediction)
Buffalo Bills Score: Bills 34, Raiders 13
Jon Gruden falls head over heels in love with Josh Allen
The Gruden-Carr marriage sounds like it’s stretching thin. There’s no mistaking Josh Allen is the girl GMs and coaches around the league wish they had. And now they’re lying awake at night thinking about why they let her slip through their fingers.
Sure, in retrospect, there were plenty of turn-offs. She was a wild card, always unpredictable, and the epitome of a hot mess. But goddamn(!) was she a smoke show, so hot she could melt the paint off the walls. A 6’5″ build with an 80-yard deep ball should’ve been enough to tie the knot. But, no! We were all wrapped up in her immaturity that we couldn’t see the incredible woman she’d become. Three years in and she’s the one: a picture-perfect soulmate with wifey-material written all over her.
What Gruden would give for one wild and crazy night in Vegas with Allen. Carr never has to know. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
Stefon Diggs fantasy value hits an all-time high
We know Allen has been slinging it with the best-of-the-best through three weeks. That means WR1, Stefon Diggs, will EAT. Oh, and Raiders top corner, Damon Arnette, is likely out this week. I expect him to pull in at least seven catches for over 100 yards on Sunday. Josh Allen has been distributing the ball all around the yard, but this is the week he locks in on Diggs through four quarters. Feed your alpha.
Jon Gruden decides to hold his breath for four quarters as a loophole to avoid wearing a mask
The NFL’s greatest matchup of week three wasn’t Ravens-Chiefs, Saints-Packers, or Cowboys-Seahawks. It was Jon Gruden vs. the thong mask.
You can’t ask a coach like Jon Gruden to prioritize health and safety over football. Gruden would willingly be rolled out on the sideline on a hospital bed hooked up to an IV if it meant he could coach football.
There’s an argument to be made that Gruden hates masks more than your local Karens at the supermarket. I bet he’s been practicing breath-holding exercises all week. By the second quarter, the CBS camera crews will cut over to an intense blue-faced Gruden struggling to hold himself up.
I bet he can do it, though. Mindset is everything. This guy’s a Gruden grinder.
Maxwell Underhill is a contributor for BuffaloFanatics, blog writer for the in-season “Outrageous Predictions” column, and co-host of the “Bills Overdue” vidcast streaming every Saturday at 6pm ET on Facebook, YouTube, and Periscope.