The Underhill Report: Outrageous Buffalo Bills vs. Pittsburgh Steelers Predictions
Back-to-back primetime games! These aren’t your same ol’ Bills. Welcome to a new era of respect for the Buffalo franchise. Each week turns more and more heads around the country towards Sean McDermott, Josh Allen, and Brandon Beane and the championship-caliber team they’re building. Of course, there will always be your “Bills actually suck”-truthers out there. I’m talking directly towards that moronic empty-suit on Fox Sports named Nick Wright.
The narrative has shifted. Last year, it was about becoming playoff-caliber. This year is about becoming Super Bowl-caliber. And what better chance to flex your muscles than on Sunday Night Football against one of the league’s best: the Pittsburgh Steelers.
Here are my wacky, outrageous, and definitely legitimate predictions for this week’s matchup:
Pittsburgh WRs Chase Claypool, Diontae Johnson, and Juju Smith-Schuster decline the COVID vaccine, insisting they cannot catch anything
The trio of Steelers wide receivers have been regarded as maybe the best group of pass-catchers in the league. At least, that was until they all forgot how to use their hands. In the last two weeks against the Baltimore Ravens and the Washington Football team, the Steelers dropped six balls and seven balls, respectively. I haven’t seen that many balls drop since middle school.
I’m pretty sure Dr. Anthony Fauci is a sports fan, so I would love to see him come out and declare the Pittsburgh pass-catchers immune from coronavirus. C’mon Fauci, we don’t have much to laugh about in 2020. Brighten my fuckin day.
A wet, slobbery Al Michaels is the victim of Cris Collinsworth drooling over Josh Allen
Last week, Sunday Night Football featured Patrick Mahomes. This week, they have Josh Allen. You just cannot do that to Cris Collinsworth’s quarterback-horny brain. Two young, big-armed, studly quarterbacks like Mahomes and Allen in back-to-back weeks is a sexual fantasy for him. Al Michaels’ suit will be ruined by the third quarter.
Everyone at home will be painfully aware when Collinsworth starts nutting all over the booth mid-broadcast. I just hope Al can keep his composure like a true pro, despite Cris’s audible euphoria. Whoever has to clean that up postgame… I will personally give them a raise.
Josh Allen cements himself as Big Ben’s daddy in their first head-to-head matchup
By the time the two opposing quarterbacks go to shake hands at mid-field, it will be clear who the better big-boy QB is (if it isn’t already). Josh Allen grabs Ben’s hand, slowly leans in, and says, “Good game son.” Ben will be too dumb to even realize what happened, and the two will part ways.
Maxwell Underhill (twitter: @cincodemaxo) is a contributor for BuffaloFanatics, blog writer for the in-season “Outrageous Predictions” column, and co-host of the “Buff Bootleg” vidcast streaming every Saturday at 6pm ET on Facebook, YouTube, and Periscope.