The Underhill Report: Outrageous Buffalo Bills Camp Predictions

While Bills training camp has been underway since late July, this past week felt like the real beginning for most fans. Media can now watch practice and post videos, sound, and live reports from the day-to-day activities. We had our first glimpse of newcomers such as Stefon Diggs, Josh Norman, and Zach Moss in pads actually practicing and playing football.

A sense of normalcy returns after the most unique off-season the NFL will ever experience. The boys in red, white, and blue are back, so to celebrate I’m embarking on year two of the outrageous predictions column. Below you’ll find my 100% legitimate predictions for everything that will transpire during Bills camp this year.

Bills social media posts a fake (but very convincing) Josh Allen 85-yard deep ball that drops right in the bucket to Diggs

Josh Allen has a LOT of pressure this year to fix his deep ball. Every corner of Western New York will have their eyes locked on that first 50-yard bomb downfield when the regular season kicks off. There will be no hiding from the scrutiny if he airmails it ten yards past his receiver. Everyone and their mother will come crawling out of the shadows to call Allen’s accuracy issues unfix-able.

The Bills organization knows this, so that’s why I expect Brandon Beane to pitch an idea to the social media team to get some of the pressure off Allen’s shoulders. Get Bills Mafia rejoicing and singing praises for number seventeen before he’s even taken a snap in year three. Mr. Beane has QB1’s back.

Tyler Bass beats out Haush-money in kicker comp

The Bass-master has arrived in Orchard Park. The rookie went 6-of-9 during Monday’s practice with two misses wide from 44 and 56. Not a great first showing, but not terrible. Keep an eye on the Bass-assin going forward. This rookie’s got a cannon for a leg to pair with Allen’s cannon for an arm.

Team doctors could potentially complete a reconstructive surgery to put Josh Allen’s arm on Tyler Bass’s body or Bass’s leg on Allen’s body. That could save a roster spot on cut day so Christian Wade can make the team.

Anyway, Tyler Bass should still make the roster even if the surgery isn’t possible. The guy seems to have an aura about him. Think “the legend of Kiko Alonso” back in the day. Unlike Kiko, let’s hope he doesn’t turn into a player that tries to take quarterbacks’ heads off (although that would make him the most badass kicker).

I’m trying to start a cult that idolizes Tyler Bass. I’m thinking we hold meetings in a dungeon. Message me on twitter if interested or if you have nearby dungeon suggestions (@cincodemaxo).

It’s Bass-eating season. You heard it here first.

McDermott sports all-new Bills apparel with his new signature “Mask up or back up” catchphrase

Sean McDermott is big into mantras and slogans for his football team. Just count the number of times he utters something about “the process” during his press conferences. It makes for a fun drinking game if you want to flirt with alcohol poisoning.

Sean McDermott’s motto at the #Bills facility is, “back up, or mask up.” That’s pretty bad ass.

— Bradley Gelber (@BradleyGelber) August 2, 2020

It’s not just “the process” though. He also talks up “defending our dirt”, being “playoff caliber”, and then “championship caliber”. Naturally, he’s developed a new catchphrase in the age of COVID-19. McDermott walks around the Bills facility declaring “mask up or back up”.

Bills players already wear “respect the process” merch. It wouldn’t take too much effort to whip up a “mask up or back up” design. Better yet, start selling them on the team store. They could sell like hotcakes.

Dion “the Shnowman” Dawkins blows his entire contract on Duff’s Famous Wings and blue cheese

Dion just got PAIDDDD if ya haven’t heard. The four-year, $60 million extension runs through the 2024 season. Dion assures us that this new money won’t stop him from working just as hard, and I believe him. However, he’s gotta spend that new money somewhere.

I expect Dawkins to infuse all that dough into the Buffalo economy. A big man’s gotta eat his wings (with a side of blue cheese). Expect plenty of late-night Duff’s spottings this season for the franchise left tackle.

Maxwell Underhill is a contributor for Buffalo Fanatics, blog writer for the in-season “Outrageous Predictions” column, and co-host of “Bills Overdue” on the Buffalo Fanatics Podcasting Network