“We’re good! We’re good!” – Josh Allen, talking to the Steelers and the national media during the Sunday Night Football game.
Nick Wright was spotted attaching a car battery to his nipples as the Bills iced the game last night saying, “Ooh! That’s right, Josh Allen … daddy. Make it hurt to so good!”
Signature win? Check. The Patriots rule of the AFC East? Over. Josh Allen doubts? Kaput! Prime Time curse? Gone the way of the dinosaur. Stefon Diggs is a locker room cancer? Get out of here! Let the haters continue to hate … I hope they keep doubting us. I hope they keep pushing bullshit narratives, and I hope Nick Wright and his enclave of sado masochistic sexual deviants become the highest rated sports shows on TV. Let us hear it, Nick, ol’ boy! Keep flushing your already tarnished reputation and Yakutsk-temperature takes like the six foot walking turd that you are. Did a big boy who looked good in shorts tease you in high school? Did he take your lunch money and girlfriend? Ah … it’s all making sense now.
In case you call Uzbekistan home and somehow did not watch the Bills knock out the sorry Steelers last night, here are the highlights:
Here are 10 things I think I think about the 10-3 (for the first time since 1991) Buffalo Bills!
1. Josh Allen makes fools of the national media.
I believe it was Jean-Jacques Rousseau who famously said after watching the Fox Sports commentary on the Bills this week, “Ya trash!” Did Josh Allen have his best statistical game? No. Did he win in a big spot? Yes. Did he make big plays on a big stage? Yes. Did he have to overcome woeful protection against one of the best (if not the best) pass-rushing lines in the NFL? Yes. Look. There’s no question whether Josh Allen is balling this season or whether he is a bona fide star. The only question is where he is on the MVP rankings. Our dear leader, the King, believes he should be near the top, and after the last few weeks, I can’t disagree. Any “media” members who don’t see that are either professional trolls that should be muted immediately like an episode of Gilmore Girls, or they have their head so far up their ass, they’re beginning to resemble the unmistakable countenance of noted ass-face, Skip Bayliss. Be better, media, but keep up the hate. I dare you …
2. Levi Wallace does his best Leslie Frazier impersonation and shows up the doubters.
If you read Ben Blakely’s fantastic long-form on Buffalo Bills DC, Leslie Frazier (READ THIS!), you know that Frazier went undrafted after a stellar college career. In the NFL, he was an important part of the legendary ’85 Bears defense, and the rest is history. Levi Wallace channeled the play of his elder doppelganger last night and had his best game of the season. As Bills Media came after him, calling for his benching, Wallace shut down an excellent Steelers passing attack. Yes, he let up a touchdown, but his overall game was fantastic. He finished the game with three passes defensed and a key interception to put the game away. Is he Tre’Davious White? No. But who is? Not everyone can be the valedictorian, but he’s steady, and McDermott trusts him. Nice job, Levi. Keep balling.
3. Stefon Diggs is now a minority owner of the Pittsburgh Steelers.
When he wanted to last night, Stefon Diggs was unstoppable. After the game, the entire Steelers’ secondary was seen icing their ankles and searching hopelessly for their jockstraps. Diggs did what he did all season, and with three games left, he has tied Eric Moulds with the Buffalo Bills all-time reception mark at 100 this season. He is going to break every major receiving record for the Bills, and he is playing like an All Pro but more importantly, a leader. He and Josh have more chemistry on screen than Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga. It’s hard to watch the game with all of that steam fogging up the TV.
4. Zach Moss iced the game like the wham, bam, thank you, ma’am back we thought he could be.
Did he have a costly fumble last game? Yeah. Moss basically gave the Niners a free score. But Moss is not exactly fumble-prone going back to his college days. Last night, he had his best showing of the season. He only had 43 yards on 13 carries (3.3 YPC), which is hardly a Barry Sanders-esque performance, but he iced the game like Frank Gore of old. He dove forward when he needed to. He blasted through the line. He pirouetted like Baryshnikov. He had Steelers defenders making business decisions, and he clung to that ball like his first girlfriend after the divorce: needy. You go, young man.
5. All Gabriel Davis does is catch wide-open touchdowns.
This is a strange criticism. I’ve heard people talk about how wide open Gabriel Davis is in the end zone. And he has six receiving touchdown on the season, but getting open … that doesn’t just happen. It’s not like he is surprised that he finds himself alone in the back of the end zone. Yes, part of it is the scheme and part of it is the opposing defense prioritizing Diggs and Beasley and Brown, but part of the reason he is so open and living in paydirt is because, well (I don’t know how to break this to you … ), he’s good! This kid is the real deal, and he’s just getting better. Cris Carter, move out of the way. There’s a new “He just catches touchdowns!” guy in the NFL, and his name is “The Archangel” Gabriel Davis!
6. Taron Johnson > Siran Neal.
Look, I love Siran “Wrap” Neal. The dude is a baller on Special Teams. He blasts people and takes their lunch money, but Taron Johnson is clearly the superior slot corner. “Well, obviously, numb nuts!” I hear you say. But is it so obvious? There has been a lot of slander going Johnson’s way these last few seasons, but the kid puts his face in the fan like a little dog growling at a Grizzly. He ain’t skerred. And last night, that pick six in the second quarter was the shot of B-Process-12 that the team needed. Is he a perfect slot corner? No. But damn, this kid plays hard, and I’ll take 22 players with Taron Johnson’s heart and grit over, well, just about anything. He is the incarnation of the process, and he spreads the good news of the process to opposing offenses with a giving spirit, generosity, and bad intentions.
7. I’m beginning to wonder why Tyler Kroft is regularly a healthy scratch.
Dawson Knox has potential. Yes, I know. He had a few moments last night, and he has had a few moments the last few weeks, but he also consistently has plays like his fumble on Sunday Night. Some say he is a better blocker than Kroft. Maybe he is. But like in pass-catching, I see his blocks get blown up at times as well. Am I alone in thinking that I can trust Kroft even if he isn’t flashy? At this point, I get anxious any time Knox puts out that big paw of his to stiff-arm a defender. Part of me just wants him to go down if he catches it. As we move toward the playoffs, McDermott is going to have to figure out who he trusts for a playoff run: the enigmatic but talented Knox or the trustworthy frumpy housewife who makes a mean sausage gravy, Kroft. Personally, I love a good gravy.
8. Ed Oliver is stoning offensive lineman like jurors in an Old Testament adultery court!
OK. I’ve been tough on Captain Insano, Ed Oliver, of late. He has not shown up on the stat sheet, and while stats aren’t everything and don’t tell the whole story, they do mean something. But last night, though he again did not put up really any stats, it was clear from the gun that Oliver was standing up Steelers offensive lineman and pushing them back. Did he make all of the tackles? No. In fact, he was only credited with one, but he was (and has been) key to an improving Bills rushing defense. Speaking of …
9. How about that Buffalo Bills run defense weakness?
The Buffalo Bills’ big weakness is their inability to stop the run, right? Well … like my girlfriend says on Facebook, “It’s complicated.” Why are you so afraid of commitment, Candice?!
Anyway, last night the Bills gave up 18 yards on 10 carries by Steelers RB1, James Connor. The Steelers entire rushing attack only amassed 47 yards on 17 carries (2.8 YPC). Last week against an amazing 49ers rushing attack, this defense only allowed 86 yards on 21 carries, and that includes two rushes that totaled 34 yards, so the average is pretty misleading. If this Bills rushing defense is back and for real, they may be set to make an ’06 Colts (with Bob Sanders)-style run in the playoffs.
10. Brian Daboll got his first and third quarters confused this week.
Buffalo could not get the offense moving in the first half of last night’s game. Allen looked off. He looked a little shook from the pass rushers of the Steelers, and it was beginning to look like this game might end with a 6-3 score. But then Daboll did the unthinkable. He wiped the Popeye’s Chicken grease from an obscured part of his play sheet and found a bevy of plays to blow up the Steelers’ D in the third quarter. Allen could not miss in the second half. They adjusted to the pass rush of the Steelers and wore down a top-tier unit. Daboll is like my high school girlfriend: hot and cold. One moment, she was hot and on me like Lauren Bacall was on Bogart, and the next she froze me out like a stray cat hissing at a shadow. Daboll is good and getting better, but I wonder if his inconsistency and penchant for fried chicken may inhibit his aspirations of becoming a head coach. Only time will tell.
- Devin Singletary is the best blocking back the Bills have had since Fred Jackson. Stone those fools, Motor!
- Kudos to RT Daryl Williams! He was left alone on an island with TJ Watt, but the big man got hungry, and he ate. Watt finished the game with 0 sacks. DPOY, my ass.
- Horrible Harry seems to be finding his way back onto the regular roster. No one is more deserving than our Walter Payton Man of the Year. Well done, young man.
- Mitch Morse got banged up again last night. We’ll see what the situation is, but he did come back in the game and, after a slow start, starting blowing up DTs.
Thanks for reading! How about those Buffalo Bills! No longer am I expecting a fall … I’m expecting to win, and it’s been a long time coming. With a Browns win tonight, we are officially in the playoffs, so as much as I hate to say it … I’ll be rooting for Big Mouth, Bowel Movement, Baker Mayfield tonight. Woof. I just puked a little bit in my mouth even saying that.
If you have any thoughts, questions, or violent disagreements, hit me up on Twitter at @adamnannini, and be sure to subscribe to my weekly podcast, The NFL Basement, where my partner Nate Asper (a Lions fan) and I make our NFL game picks!