Buffalo versus Kansas City. Green Bay versus Tampa Bay because Tom Brady just won’t go away. Also, which bay is the bayest? We’ll find out on Sunday for both conference championship games. But as we wait for some questions to be answered, we also wait … for answers … to … other questions. Such as …
Why does Pete Carroll hate Russell Wilson?
The Seahawks were eliminated from the playoffs by the Los Angeles Rams. (Spoilers to those of you who still haven’t watched it yet.) After a season where Russell Wilson started off with great passing statistics and was in the MVP discussion for the first half of the year, Pete Carroll responded by firing their offensive coordinator and saying that, in the future, they will focus on running the ball more, which makes a lot of sense when you have a quarterback who is really good at throwing the ball.
What will Sean Peyton do without Drew Brees?
Besides the obvious answer of “find a quarterback who can throw the ball far or even far-ish,” how will Sean Peyton adjust to life after Drew Brees’ retirement? Guess no more, for I have answers! Sean Peyton has looked into the possibility of transferring Brees’ brain into the body of Jameis Winston. The combination of football mind and physical talent would be unstoppable. “I’ve talked to a lot of top movie scientists,” said Peyton. “They think it would be a cool movie, but I wanna make it a reality!” The controversial experiment was very well-received by Brees’ wife, but no comment from Drew or Jameis has been given yet.
Will Pat Mahomes be healthy for his game against Buffalo?
Mahomes suffered an injury against the Cleveland Browns. What kind of injury? Well, some say it was a nerve in his neck, but he is also going through concussion protocol. So, yeah … I don’t know. Head coach, Andy Reid, put some fans at ease by saying that Mahomes had passed all “the deals” and sounded optimistic. What deals are those, you ask? Oh, you know, just the usual deals that players go through and pass. Despite the injury, the Chiefs were still able to win their game, which upset a lot of Bills fans who wanted to prove their team was the best by hoping an inferior opponent would beat the best so the Bills could beat said inferior opponent and show the world how good they are.
How much more Tom Brady bullshit will we have to endure?
A lot, probably. A couple of weeks ago, it was noted that Tom Brady was the oldest player to throw a touchdown pass in NFL history. Might as well say he threw a touchdown pass with the saggiest nutsack. It’s probably not even saggy though. The dude is aging in reverse in some areas. Probably because he’s a cheater. Look, we get it. Everything he does from now on will be a record because he’s fucking old. If he gets a rushing touchdown, he’ll be the oldest NFL player to do that. If he throws a pick-6 or teabags Bruce Arians on the sideline, he’ll be the oldest player to do those things too.
As always, if you are incapable of taking a joke about your team or seem like the sort of person I would not like to hang around with … ever, please become a member of this club. I think you’ll fit right in.
That’s it for now. As always, go Bills!
Follow Jeramy on Twitter @BFF_Jeramy and catch him and his co-host Max Underhill on the Buffalo Bootleg vidcast on Saturday on the Buffalo Fanatics platforms.