With a Bills’ playoff berth already wrapped up and placed nicely under the tree, nothing is more relaxing this holiday season than curling up on the couch with a great Christmas movie. Today, I’ll share with you the 10 best Christmas of all time but with a football twist. Each movie will also include a member of the Bills who best personifies the greatness of said movie. So, without further ado…
10 – While You Were Sleeping (1995)
Okay, so this isn’t actually one of my favorite Christmas films. However, it’s only fair to give a shout out to my wife’s Christmas favorite. The plot is, of course, extremely realistic, with Sandra Bullock pulling some clumsy, glass jawed dick weed off the train tracks. She’s in love with him while he’s in a coma until she falls in love with the dad from Casper instead. Happens all the time, right? But hey, the wife likes it so I watch it with her. If I stay awake, I have like an 82% chance of getting lucky. That alone is worth a spot on the list.
Buffalo Bills Equivalent Personality – Sean McDermott, who came along while the Bills were left for dead on the train tracks. He rescued them and while the rest of the football world slept on the Bills, McDermott has them in the playoffs.
9 – Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (1992)
Not as good as the original but still a must-watch for me each holiday season. Sure, it reuses a lot of the plot and jokes from the first, but it’s still charming, funny and rewatchable. Rumor has it that the scene in the lobby of the Plaza Hotel is what ultimately propelled Donald Trump into the presidency 24 years later.
Buffalo Bills Equivalent Personality – TJ Yeldon. Kind of a big deal coming out of college but clearly not as good as his counterparts. Some people are surprised he’s actually still on the Bills’ roster so he truly is “lost in New York.”
8 – Bad Santa (2003)
One of the few Christmas movies to make the naughty list. Billy Bob Thronton was born to play a drunk, convicted felon mall Santa who robs department stores on Christmas Eve. Christmas fun doesn’t always have to be wholesome and Bad Santa is actually pretty funny stuff. Give it a watch this Christmas, just put the kids to bed first.
Buffalo Bills Equivalent Personality – Josh Allen, who chugs beer like a beast and unbeknownst to most, he moonlights as a Santa in a Buffalo mall during the Christmas season. He’s not a convicted felon yet, but he’s stolen the hearts of female Bills fans everywhere.
7 – The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993)
Is it a Halloween movie? Is it a Christmas movie? It doesn’t matter because it’s actually both. Tim Burton has his own quirky style and it’s on full display here as Jack Skellington wanders into Christmas Town and tries to bring it back to Halloween Town. It moves a little fast at only an hour and fifteen minutes long but it’s a nice change of pace to the sappy Hallmark Christmas crap fest.
Buffalo Bills Equivalent Personality – Tremaine Edmunds. Watch out, he’ll wander into your backfield and bring you pain. The Patriots better be careful next weekend because Edmunds will be their nightmare a few days before Christmas.
6 – Miracle on 34th Street (1947)
I like the newer 90s version as well but when in doubt, go with the original. Miracle on 34th Street is a rarity…a Christmas courtroom drama. An old guy who takes over as the Santa at Macy’s wasn’t up to speed on the law, which clearly states that claiming to be Santa Claus is a federal crime. It’s a charming, classic film that’s worth a watch.
Buffalo Bills Equivalent Personality – Ed Oliver. He never should have been available at #9 in last year’s draft and the fact that he was there is a miracle. Ed, just please be sure you don’t start claiming to be Santa Claus. The Bills don’t need the distraction of the trial that would ensue.
5 – Elf (2003)
I can’t believe it’s been 16 years since Elf was released. Will Ferrell is perfect for the adult-sized elf who goes to New York to find his real father. Buddy feels like he could have come right out of an SNL skit. James Caan is a perfect fit as the dad who doesn’t really want anything to do with Buddy. This movie will be considered a Christmas classic for years to come.
Buffalo Bills Equivalent Personality – Devin Singletary. Standing at only 5’7, Singletary could definitely pass for one of Santa’s elves. He left his home in Florida to come to New York and find his dad, Frank Gore. While it was rough at first, I hear things are going well right now.
4 – Christmas Vacation (1989)
Nothing says Christmas like Clark Griswold covering his house with thousands of lights or cousin Eddie draining buckets of poo down the sewer. Clark always seems to have the worst luck and for the audience, it creates a hilarious experience. An absolute must-watch every single Christmas season.
Buffalo Bills Equivalent Personality – Tommy Sweeny. Sweeny is the 5-time reigning champion of his neighborhood Christmas light contest. Enough said.
3 – Home Alone (1990)
This is the first Christmas movie I watch each and every year. It’s always so much fun. It’s funny and has heart, and let’s be honest, who doesn’t love seeing Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern get burned, bludgeoned, bashed and shot in the scrotum with a BB gun? That’s just good old fashioned Christmas fun. Home Alone is also one of the most quotable movies, which is important in a category like this. Plus, the South Bend Shovel Slayer and a fake gangster movie, Angels With Filthy Souls? It’s just too good to be true.
Buffalo Bills Equivalent Personality – Cole Beasley. Back in his Dallas days, Jerry Jones and Jason Garrett once came to Beasley’s house while he was home alone, attempting to rob his house. Luckily, Beasley knew what they were up to and strategically placed Micro-Machines all over the floor, causing them to fall while he got away. He quickly sold his house and moved to Buffalo.
2 – The Santa Clause (1994)
The best mix of funny and heart-warming in a Christmas movie. Tim Allen is one of my favorites going back to his Home Improvement days and the fact that his movie is based on a true story just makes it that much better. Allen’s other movie ventures have been nearly unwatchable, but this role is perfect for his comedic abilities. It also makes me want to ask Santa for an Oscar Meyer weenie whistle.
Buffalo Bills Equivalent Personality – Tre’Davious White. White is a pretty funny dude and he was recently quoted as saying he was going to make Tom Brady blow his weenie whistle, over and over, next weekend in Foxboro. I don’t know what that means.
1 – It’s a Wonderful Life (1946)
The best Christmas movie of all time, and it’s not close. It’s a celebration of the human spirit and it explores all of the emotions and nuances of that come along with the holiday season. Jimmy Stewart masterfully plays George Bailey, who has to quickly age from college kid to owner of the struggling family business. When the pressures and stresses of life continue to mount, he’s overcome with suicidal thoughts. His only hope is a 2nd class angel named Clarence. It’s just a great movie, period.
Buffalo Bills Equivalent Personality – Every Bills fan. Be honest, life hasn’t been easy for the past couple decades. Suicidal thoughts may have even crept in as the losses mounted. But watching the Bills clinch a playoff berth in Pittsburgh and knowing this ship is headed in the right direction, it’s clear that Bills fans are living a wonderful life.
There you have it, folks. I know there are some notable omissions, even some controversial ones. A Christmas Story is a popular one this time of year but I find it kind of boring. It doesn’t have the every year rewatchability I crave. White Christmas is inexplicably a favorite for many people. I don’t get it, though. The only time I watch White Christmas is when I run out of sleeping pills. Then there is Die Hard. I love Die Hard. But come on, it’s not a Christmas movie. It’s just not. Don’t believe me, listen to the man himself…
Have a happy holiday season, Bills fans!